This is a poem written by Adrian Plass and it’s called “The Real Problem” and can
be found in his book: "Clearing Away The Rubbish".
It’s written from a child's point of view of their Christian parents:
It starts with lots of noise.
Mummy rushes round with socks,
And Daddy shouts,‘You boys!’
Then Mummy says, ‘Now don’t blame them,
You know you’re just as bad,
You’ve only just got out of bed,
It really makes me mad!’
My mummy is a Christian,
My daddy is as well,
My Mummy says, ‘Oh, heavens!’
My daddy says, ‘Oh, hell!’
And when we get to church at last,
It’s really very strange,
‘Cos Mum and Dad stop arguing,
And suddenly they change.
At church my mum and dad are friends,
They get on very well,
But no one knows they’ve had a row,
And I’m not gonna tell.
People often come to them,
Because they seem so nice,
And Mum and Dad are very pleased
To give them some advice.
They tell them Christian freedom
Is worth an awful lot,
But I don’t know what freedom means
If freedom’s what they’ve got.
Daddy loves the meetings,
He’s always at them all,
He’s learning how to understand
The letters of St. Paul.
But Mummy says, ‘I’m stuck at home
To lead my Christian life,
It’s just as well for blinkin’ Paul
He didn’t have a wife.’
I once heard my mummy say
She’d walk out of his life,
I once heard Daddy say to her
He’d picked a rotten wife.
They really love each other,
I really think they do.
I think the people in the church
Would help them – if they knew.
